hey there bella.

Hawaii.

2011-05-26T13:44:00.005+01:00

flights and apartment booked. it's been far too long :)

Hair tutorial; in the style of Emily Deschanel

2011-05-15T17:25:00.033+01:00

A lot of people have been asking if anybody knows how to get a similar style to how Emily Deschanel had her hair styled at a Bones event at the Paley Centre last week. After lusting after it for a few minutes the following day, I thought, hey it can't be that hard to get a similar style right? So I grabbed some hairspray and got to work. Sure enough, it wasn't that hard to recreate.

Now I must point out that I am not a hair stylist and the way I have done it may be completely different to how Emily's stylist did it but it is similar and pretty easy to do and a lot of people were asking so I thought I'd share how I did it so other people can have a go too. It is not identical in any way but is as similar as I could manage and is the same style.

Please note that both myself and my friend that I tried it on have a lot longer and thicker hair then Emily does so it will look different on each person depending on the length, texture and thickness of your hair. It is also best to do it on dirty hair, leave it a day or two after washing for the most cooperative hair.

You will need:
- A brush
- A strong hold hairspray
- Grips
- Bobbles
- Small clips with a clasp or any other style you would like to use for decoration.

It works better with your hair in loose waves but if you're hair is poker straight like mine and you limited time to curl it, just tie your hair into two french plaits and leave for about 15 minutes and then let them out. Some photos are of hair with loose curls and others are on the poker straight hair.

Doing it on myself, it took around 15/20 minutes but allow around half an hour because sometimes the twists and plaits need some extra securing in with bobbles etc so it's better to take your time instead of rushing it.

The photographs used in this are from the first and second times I tried it, like I said; I am not a hairstylist - if I can do it, I promise you anybody can.

Step one.
- Tip your hair upside down and backcomb mainly the front and the sides to get some volume.
- backcomb the front of your hair into a quiff and spray with a strong hold hairspray and leave it to set for about 3 minutes.
- Take two sections of hair at the front sides of your head and keep them out and ignore them until step four.

So it should now look like this - your fringe in a quiff, with two sections of hair from the front left out and the rest of your hair down as normal.

Step two.
There are two different things you can do for this stage;

- you can either plait a small section of hair on the right side of your head

OR if your hair is very long then you can french plait starting at the same right hand point as the above plait (this way it is easier to get all of your hair into the plait)

If you are doing a french plait then just plait it to the end, including all of your hair and wait until the end of step three to continue.

Step three.

- Loop the plait around your hair like this -

Start twisting or plaiting the loose hair however you want to, here we have plaited one section and twisted another. I've used different clips and grips that purposely stand out so you can see how it is being secured in place.

Note: to make sure all sections stay securely twisted and plaited whilst you're busy doing the other sections then just tie them with a hair bobble at the end.

Twist those sections of hair together to pull into the style of a bun but try to make it as flat to your head as you can.
If you french plaited the hair then twist the plait into the style of a bun, still making it as flat to your head as you can.

The main fact is, most of the work of this now comes from the nape of the neck - if you can't get it in a bun they just secure them into places in other sections of your hair with grip, tucking parts under other parts. Any changes you do make though; please don't forget to spray it with hairspray.

Now we ignore the back for a while and move onto the front.

Step four.
- The two discarded front sections of hair from step one should still be separate at the front.

- Remove the grips that secured your quiff in place (it should naturally sit in position now) and backcomb the two sections of hair at the front up and blend into the quiff widening the size of it from one ear to the other.

- Spray hairspray to hold it all in place, leave the hairspray for about 3 minutes to make sure it holding it properly.

The front of your hair should now look like this -

There will be some loose hair that needs to be pulled into the plait/bun - Emily's was weaved underneath the plait and secured in with clips but you can simply pull it in or twist the hair or plait it and bring it in anyway you want, here are a few examples -

Again, I have secured it in place with a grip just to show you where it has been put in, the best type of clips to use to secure it are butterfly clips with a clasp as the first picture indicates.

Step five.
- Make sure that all of the clips and grips are securely holding the hair in place and spray all sections with hairspray to hold in place.

Now, it should look like this from the back and sides.

I've left the bulky grips in place to show how different pieces of hair were brought in.

There you have it, the pictures are much easier to follow than the instructions (like I said I'm not a hair stylist, this is just my version of it.) but like I said, if I can do it then so can anybody!

If anybody wants to ask me any questions about it or needs any extra (and maybe slightly clearer instructions) then just comment below and I'll reply as soon as I can.

All photos from the Paley Centre event were found on tumblr.com

Bones: did they or didn't they?

2011-05-13T18:37:00.002+01:00

That is the question.

First of all, I would just like to point out that although I have been watching this show from the beginning, other than reblogging the occasional pretty picture on tumblr - I don't really have anything else to do with the show other than watching it and enjoying it. I don't sit around for hours tweeting the writers and telling them how to do their jobs, or looking for flaws in an episode or any of the other awful things I've heard of people doing, come on guys it's just TV. The reason I'm writing this is because I don't think Bones or Hart Hanson and the team get enough credit for the amazing work they do on this show and I'm just interested to gauge other people's reactions.

Like all viewers, I was left collecting my jaw from the floor in the season 4 finale when Booth uttered the words "who are you?", I watched on in sadness season 5 as Booth told Brennan "I'm that guy" and I cried like a woman possessed when Brennan broke down and brought a lump to all viewers throats with the heart-crushing words "I missed my chance" earlier in this season. This show sure knows how to play with your heart strings; it can make you laugh, it can make you cry and it can make you want to rip your hair out - all the factors of a excellent show, and that is exactly what I think Bones is.

I am the first person to call out bad continuity in a show - I have a huge pet hate of people sacrificing characters and development for the sake of plots, I absolutely hate it, that's one of the reasons that I can't take shows like 'Glee' seriously. What I love about Bones is that they have developed the character of Brennan and the relationship between her and Booth so incredibly well and realistically. People have said that the writers have really sacrificed the characters this season, and I could not disagree more.

I will hold my hands up now and say that I absolutely hated the character of Hannah and I actually stopped watching the show for a while earlier on in the season when she was in it. Although I was firmly on the Booth had rushed Brennan in the 100th episode camp and hated how he gave her 30 seconds to think about it before telling her he had to move on, I was perfectly fine with him coming back with somebody and attempting to move on but what I didn't like was how he treated Brennan. Whilst I'm a sucker for angst and know first hand how easy it is to push someone you love away to try to move on, I couldn't watch Booth treat Brennan how he was doing so stopped watching and only resumed once again for the Brennan centric episode 'The Doctor in The Photo' and then for the gravedigger episode, it was once Hannah left that I started viewing again (and I have watched the episodes I missed since)

But putting all of that aside, I think the writing and development of piecing Brennan and Booth back together in the last 10 episodes has been stellar. I hate how people say they are keeping them apart for the sake of keeping them apart (the moonlighting curse bullshit yada yada yada) - I think they way they developed them for the first 5 seasons was wonderful, and once the 100th episode came along and feelings were voiced, I found it heartbreaking because Brennan wasn't ready. She was so close but not quite there and didn't believe herself to be good enough for Booth - that is what was so tragic.

At the end of season 5, Brennan was absolutely broken and everything that happened was actually fundamental to her character development and getting to where she is now at the end of season 6 - the growth has been brilliant to watch. People can say what they like about her character 'regressing' but as somebody who has watched the show from day one, I've seen nothing but development.

Season 5 and season 6 have actually had some very similar parallels with regards to Brennan and Booth;

It was the 16th episode of season 5 that they finally voiced the elephant in the room about their relationship; Brennan clearly loved Booth but she wanted to protect him so sacrificed her happiness for him, she was completely broken by Heather Taffett and was spending so much of her time worrying about something happening to Booth and losing perspective, so in true Brennan style, she ran. In her time in Maluku and time back in season 6 - she realised she made a mistake, she regretted what she did and she learnt from that and then in the 16th episode of this season, they discussed their feelings for each other and instead of running, she stuck by Booth (some argue that she shouldn't have stayed in the bar when he gave her 'two choices') in contrast to how she acted a season before where she would have just ran.

Both penultimate episodes of the seasons had the characters having to face up their demons in the form of Taffet and Broadsky. With Brennan, it was the confrontation of the gravedigger that finally broke her and sent her running and with Booth, it was the confrontation with Broadsky that has given him clarity and next week (spoiler alert) we appear to have the old Booth back with the return of the cocky belt buckle.

During the gravedigger trial, Brennan broke down on Booth and admitted her fears about him "you almost died Booth, what if it happens again?" Booth comforted her but it wasn't enough, she went ahead and left for Maluku anyway. In last night's episode, we saw Brennan at her most vulnerable, in an almost childlike manner, breaking down to Booth and questioning things outside of her rational thinking (God and the universe) this time, however, Booth comforted her (and possibly more) and the Brennan afterwards was almost the most at ease we have ever seen her - the way she grabbed Booth's arm for reassurance as Vincent's coffin was being driven away was almost a nod to the viewer to show as that Brennan has found the comfort and reassurance in Booth this time that she couldn't find last season.

So, this leads me back to the question; did they? or didn't they? I'm curious as to see what fans of the show think did or didn't happen.

Personally, and I cannot believe I am saying this but I don't actually mind either way. Last week, I was absolutely adamant that I would not have been happy with them 'hooking up' this season - the old Booth was nearly back but not completely and until he was back, I didn't want anything happening between them and I wanted the focus to be on rebuilding them (which is exactly what the writers have done so wonderfully in the episodes since the Valentine's day one) but after watching the episode - if it did happen then I don't think I'll mind but, I'm leaning slightly towards them not sleeping together.

It was a very emotional moment for both of them and for me, it was absolutely perfect. Emily Deschanel's incredible performance aside, it was one of these moments where we see Brennan unsure of herself and what she thinks and believes in and turning to Booth for comfort and for answers. We see Brennan's rational side and we see Booth's faith, and it was another moment where Brennan takes what Booth is telling her, even though she can't rationalise it, and use it to comfort her. She isn't Dr Brennan the anthropologist, she is Temperance Brennan, the person. She opens herself up to Booth in ways she wasn't even aware she could and I think if we had seen any more than what we saw, it would have ruined it.

What we saw were two people finding comfort in one another in a much more intimate way than they previously have; it was a huge step for Brennan, I truly believe she has lost the last of her imperviousness and really allowed herself to feel, even if she can't rationalise or explain what she is feeling. I think the 4:47 on the clock did have significance to the End in the Beginning with the opening scene - the voiceover said;

"In the darkest moments before dawn a woman returns to her bed. What life is she leading? Is it the same life the woman was leading an hour ago? a day ago? a year ago? Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives or is it a single life shared? A storm approaches. It is still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can they feel the crackle of electricity in the wind, or are they aware of only the power that they generate between themselves?"

I think that sums it up perfectly. I think whatever happened, this was the moment for them when they finally crossed the line, whether they had sex or not, this was the moment where things finally have moved in the right direction. Maybe they did hook up, if they did though as somebody who has been invested in them for 6 years, I'd feel sliiiiightly cheated but that's ok because it was such an intense moment that if it lead onto something more even though we didn't see it, we saw enough. I think whatever went on was a lot more than that, to see Brennan so at ease at the end of the episode and take Booth's arm for reassurance without even thinking and for Booth's face to light up the way it did, we know something went down and a line was crossed. How exactly? Maybe we'll find out next week or maybe we'll have to wait all summer - whatever way, I think people need to stop complaining and look at the sheer creative brilliance behind this show. Carla Kettner and Karyn Usher did a wonderful job with the teleplay. You can call Hart Hanson what you like but when it comes down to it, him and the team have handled this beautifully.

Can we also please all take a moment to look at the brilliant performances not just shown during this season but throughout the series, the show has such a talented cast. I don't even think I can find the words to articulate just how blown away I was (and have constantly been over the series) by Emily Deschanel's performance but the cast as a whole are just magnificent.

So yes, please, let me know what you all thought!

sunshine!

2011-04-11T00:23:00.003+01:00

my first few weeks of recovery is all about resting and not really doing anything however the weather has been too lovely over the last few days so I have been doing my recovering outside in the garden and my the freckles that usually don't come out until summer (I have them all year round on my arms) have exploded out in full force.

you could play a pretty substantial game of dot to dot on my face, chest and legs now. Sun really is the best medicine!

my day in a nutshell.

2011-02-25T20:52:00.004Z

£18,000 worth of surgery. people flew in to watch me get operated on, and parts of my tissue are now being grown in a lab overseas. I felt a mixture of fear, excitement and happiness that as of today I have ONE more surgery to go and then this will all be over. I cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am that I have an end date now and can move on. This whole thing has taught me a lot and I'm actually really thankful for the journey that this has taken me on (minus all the surgeries and the pain and stuff)

Sara Bareilles.

2011-02-21T18:26:00.014Z

I am going to try and make this as undramatic and uncliched as possible but I'm not quite sure it's going to work so I'll just carry on regardless.

Flashback to 2005 when I was a mere 15 year old, I discovered an album called Careful Confessions by Sara Bareilles and pretty much fell in love with her voice, her lyrics, her melodies, basically everything. Her music reached me on another level and I was absolutely blown away. A couple of years later, her album 'Little Voice' was released, no matter how I try to word this, it is going to sound ridiculously cliched. Little Voice was released just at the right time, there were certain events that happened that year that have impacted my life and will continue to do so, but I was pretty much at the lowest point I've been in and (I told you, cliche!) Sara's music was a pretty huge part in getting me through it and everything that stemmed from that. It's too personal to go into on here but I think we all have something that helps us when the world around us falls apart, and for me, that was Sara's music.

It's been six years since I first discovered Sara, and 2011 finally brought around the chance to finally see her perform live as she was touring with Maroon 5.

My friends and I booked to see them on Thursday in Brixton and then again in Birmingham on Sunday as my best friend couldn't make the Brixton gig. We paid the ticket price to see Sara, I was a fan of Maroon 5 years ago but had lost interest in them - I have to say though, they were absolutely brilliant.

From the moment she came out on stage, Sara held the audience in the palm of her hand. She opened with her new single 'Uncharted' one of my favourite songs on the album. Her setlist was absolute perfection - she went on to sing Let The Rain, Hold My Heart, Love Song, Fuck You, Gonna Get Over You, King of Anything, Yellow and then completely unexpected, Gravity.

I wont even go into any further detail because I could never do justice to how incredible this woman is live. I am just SO happy that she is finally getting some well deserved success in the UK.

On that note, I'll end this with some of my iphone photos from the Brixton show.

there will be light.

2011-02-10T22:16:00.001Z

Lauren Pritchard.

2011-02-10T19:57:00.007Z

All photos are mine.

I was first introduced to Lauren in 2006 when I went to see Spring Awakening. I really enjoyed the show and the music but the absolute standout for me was the girl playing Ilse, Lauren Pritchard, who had an incredible, soulful yet fragile voice that managed to emote every single lyric she sung to a completely new level. Her voice possessed a quality that was so rare and I knew that this girl was going to be big.

Flashforward four years and Lauren releases her album 'Wasted in Jackson' the telegraph said "her voice is earth-movingly soulful, and often terrifyingly careworn, for her tender years. It’s impossible not to be moved." and it had similar reviews by most critics.

There are so many songs on this album that I'd class as 'favourites' but Stuck, Wasted in Jackson, When the Night Kills the Day, Bad Time to Fall, Painkillers and Not the Drinking are the first that spring to mind.

She's had a lot of comparisons to Carole King, Aretha Franklin and as my best friend noted as we saw her last week, there is a small similarity to Jessie J at times. I think Lauren's music somehow manages to reach out to fans of various different genres of music - whatever you're a fan of, there is no specific niche for this album, it appeals to everybody. My friends that are my age love it, some younger teen girls I know have been raving about it on twitter, even my own Father asked me who was singing when I was playing it (very loudly) and has since brought the album himself.

So, for anybody who is looking for new music, then buy Wasted in Jackson and you shall not be disappointed.

hello.

2011-01-28T23:35:00.002Z

I'm still alive , honest.

Stress is basically the only word to summarise life at the moment but still , savour the moments that make you think, that take you out of your comfort zone and that challenge you ... where would the fun be if everything came easy?

Love. X

how do you measure a year?

2010-12-31T17:58:00.003Z

On paper 2010 should have been a terrible year for me; surgeries galore, crutches for months, steroids that make you huge, boy dramas ... the list is endless, 2010 was meant to be a 'filler' year. In a similar way to how authors sometimes have filler chapters in their books where the plot doesn't really move forward, nothing earth shattering happens to the characters to progress their development as characters or within the plot, this year was meant to be exactly that; a filler chapter in my life...

2010 was a year of surgeries, a year where I had to put my life on hold, press the pause button and deal with what 2009 had thrown at me with regards to injuries/illnesses etc. However, as I should be well aware by now, nothing really ever goes quite to plan or how we expect it.

Yes, 2010 was my filler chapter, it was a pause in my life, a break that didn't quite get completed - however, it was also responsible for so many people and moments that have changed me for forever.

It was the summer of love; I shared some incredible experiences with some amazing people who will be my friends for a very long time, we laughed together, we cried together and it was wonderful. Despite the surgeries and the complications and the tears, there was laughter, there was love and happiness - what should have been a bleak time was a beautiful and amazing time.

All in all, 2010 was actually a lot better than it was meant to be, despite being my 'filler' year. There are more surgeries to come in 2011 but there are also many more experiences and memories to be had and made, my life can resume and start properly again so bring it on.

bangs.

2010-12-22T21:45:00.000Z

my forehead is now very thankful for the extra warmth in these sub zero temperatures.

my eyes aren't blue by the way, they are actually green, my macbook pro camera enjoys recolouring my eyes, not going to lie - I kind of dig it.

unconditional love.

2010-12-20T21:26:00.001Z

I am constantly amazed by animals and their relentless ability to love unconditionally. Whether it’s my dog, my cat or my horse, it’s just… amazing. I think some animals must have been victims of unrequited love in a previous life and just have this sense that they can tap into when their owner is suffering from a broken heart and help to fix it, to try to mend them.

It’s beautiful, and I tell you what - it’s working.

puppy love.

2010-12-19T21:31:00.001Z

he's not really a puppy, he's ten years old.

The one with the epiphany.

2010-12-14T17:21:00.001Z

you know when some monumentous life changing event happens and you look back at it all and think 'yes, I'm over it, I can breathe again' and then suddenly something happens and it turns out that you aren't over it, you aren't over him?

Welcome to my day.

Things happen that shape you as a person; small things, big things, whatever it is, life is basically a timeline and along that timeline, things happen. Those things teach you and shape you, you learn something from it and you move on.

I like to think that experiences have taught me things and helped me grow as a person, and most of the time I think that notion is actually true however sometimes there are things that you can't just move past and learn from. They become a part of you and you can't move on from them because they have become so imbedded in who you are that you didn't even know that they were there.

I hate that feeling when you are so unexpectedly overwhelmed with this huge surge of emotions that it takes the breath out of you, not because you hadn't felt them before, but because you were so sure that you had moved on, that what happened wasn't such a big part of your life anymore and suddenly you realise it is and you didn't really know yourself at all.

You have a bad relationship, a bad experience, a bad whatever and you do your best to forget it, let it go and move on. I guess that doesn't really work every time. sometimes, you just have to suck it up and just go with it. That is what life is about, you have to carry some baggage around with you that weighs you down. You can try to forget it, cut the people out that were involved and never speak of it - but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It did happen. You can't pick and choose what stays with you and what doesn't, especially something that is so big it is most likely going to affect all of your future relationships. Things do get easier but only when you can learn to accept that there is no magic delete key, eventually things do begin to fade and get a little bit easier over time but you cannot control when or how. I guess I forgot that.

Today has taught me a lot. I am nowhere near as over it as I let myself believe and that isn't going to change. Something that happened years ago is going to affect me for many years, I will have to deal with that. I'm in a place right now where I just need to take a step backwards and evaluate, I need to take a long hard look at myself and get to know that person. Before I can take any steps forward, I need to stand still and learn. I need to take the time out for me, I need to make myself a priority for once in my life and in order to that I need to have a break from the world - I've deactivated my facebook account, changed most of my internet passwords , those little things. I've never really thought of myself as a priority, I've never put myself as number one or really had too much concern for myself and that is something that I now have to do.

The people and the things that send me into overdrive - with worry, concern, anger, whatever - they need to be pushed aside to allow myself some space to think, to breathe, and to find my footing again.

marcel the shell with shoes on.

2010-12-06T17:12:00.000Z

I am in love.

the grateful post.

2010-11-30T22:23:00.001Z

I've been putting together a 'christmas list' as such for family and friends and it's really got me thinking. We spend so much time wanting more, asking for more, wishing for more... Why do we always want more, why do we never just sit back and be thankful and grateful for what we have? Basic for us is another person's luxury, there are people in the world that would go to the end of the earth and back for something I wouldn't even give a second thought for and that really needs to stop.

I am so happy with everything I have, I have been incredibly lucky and had a privileged upbringing that I am very thankful for. I do not take most things for granted and know exactly how lucky I have been as a child, teenager and now an adult.

So what do I want for Christmas? I don't know, I have everything I need with a little bit of perspective added in. I think we should all take a moment out of each day and list 5 things that we are grateful for, it was suggested to me last year and I thought it was a fantastic idea but never stuck to it. Hey, now it's the time.

Today , I am particularly grateful for -

. My family
. My friends
. Love
. Laughter
. The world around me - there is beauty everywhere you look.

The lists are endless. Take a moment and appreciate your life, what you have and love it.

unbearable lightness.

2010-11-23T19:05:00.001Z

It is incredibly rare that I pick up a book, cry my way through almost every page and then feel compelled to blog about it. In fact, it is so rare, it hasn't happened until now.

When it comes to 'celebrity' books, I tend to steer well clear. For me, if I admire somebody as an actress, or a musician or whatever, then I don't need to know - contrary to every media outlet's belief - where they shop, what diet they're on etc etc. I hate the word 'celebrity' and everything that goes with it, but when I saw that Portia De Rossi was writing her book 'Unbearable Lightness' I knew this was one book that I was going to purchase.

I've been a 'fan' of Portia ever since I can remember, I grew up watching her in Ally McBeal and Arrested Development. As an actress, she has this incredible energy that translates through a screen in a way that is so rare nowadays. As I said, I'm not really big on the whole celebrity thing, my admiration for Portia prior to reading this book was for nothing more than for her talent, I knew very little - if nothing - about her personal life.

Anybody who has suffered from an eating disorder knows exactly how hard it is to talk about. To even say out loud that you have a problem and that your behaviour is not normal takes a hell of a lot. After spending many months in and out of an eating disorder unit, nothing and nobody struck a chord in me the way that this book has.

First of all I am both in awe and filled with nothing but respect and admiration for the strength that Portia has shown, not in just battling her eating problems, but in talking about them. She opens herself up and lets us in to the darkest places that her mind took her, and what shocked me was that I constantly found myself thinking "that's how I felt" "that's what I did" , it felt as though she had reached into my mind and given my thoughts and my eating habits a voice.

You can talk to a million therapists, and counsellors, and dieticians, and nutritionists - and I have -but it was reading this book that for the first time in 4 years I have actually truly felt like I'm not so alone in this. You hear stories and meet hundreds of people who are anorexic, or bulimic, or ed nos... whatever and even then, I think we all hold a piece of ourselves back when it comes to discussing it.There was only ever one medical professional that I was truly comfortable with discussing it with and so many other people who have suffered that I have spoken to have said the same.

When we come together to discuss it or if we talk about it in a conversation, we never share with each other why or how and I think that is so important. It does not just magically go away, talking about it is important, yet so many don't.

That is why I am both so thankful to and inspired by Portia for writing this book. All individuals are different, but to me, I feel she has taken you into the mind of somebody with an eating disorder - she has so honestly and beautifully shown how it feels to constantly battle this, what it is that goes on in our heads in so many normal daily mundane tasks that to most people are nothing, yet to us - that is when our minds are in overdrive. I have literally found myself in tears because I went 40 calories over the limit I had set myself for the day, a literal panic manifested because I was served full fat coke instead of diet coke and took a sip before I realised... So many little things and in Unbearable Lightness, Portia discusses these things amongst so many other things.

'When it's quiet in my head like this, that's when the voice doesn't need to tell me how pathetic I am. I know it in the deepest part of me. When it's quiet like this, that's when I truly hate myself'

I think anybody who has struggled with their weight or who knows anybody who is battling an eating disorder should be made to read this book. I've had my eating disorder dismissed, I've been told that I'm stupid because of it, I've lost friends because they didn't know how to deal with it. I feel that this book shows you that it isn't some silly little trivial diet, that it is an illness, a very serious illness and it really takes you into that fact. I think it helps people understand a little more... If it can make a parent understand what is going on in their child's head, or a friend understand why their friend is doing what they're doing and most importantly; if it can help anybody who is in a dark place, who is battling an eating disorder or who has self esteem issues know that they really are not alone... If it can help any of these people then I think it should be mandatory for everybody to read.

I have read numerous books, studies and cases over the years and I don't think that any one of them at all have addressed it so honestly as this.

What also makes this book special is that it gives you hope. You can read hundreds of stories about recovery, you can have recovered yourself but Portia brings you in and takes you to the point where you can so vividly relate to her experiences and her thoughts so much that make her recovery all the more inspiring.

She quotes her friend; "true nobility isn't being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be" and I think that summarises it all perfectly.

She has been exactly where you are, she thought exactly the way your mind did - the drill sergeant in your head? Yep, she had that too, and look at her now - happy, loved, brave, respected, admired. The list is endless. It is all possible it's there, there is an end to it. In the hardest of times, there is an ending. In the roughest of storms, there is a rainbow.

I cannot stress enough how much of an impact this book has had on me, my outlook and my thought process. If it can do what it has done to me to anybody else then I will personally break down their doors to give them this book.

It is so nice to see that in this world of celebrity and people being famous for anything but talent, it is a relief to see we still have individuals like Portia who can share their stories and help people and become role models to so many people. It's refreshing and I hope that so many others are helped and have been as inspired as I am.

And this concludes this mammoth entry, well done if you're still reading!

changes.

2010-11-22T14:37:00.000Z

numero uno... I now have hair of the red variety.

19 years ago today...

2010-10-14T08:20:00.004+01:00

This little person was born.

I know, adorable right?

So today we, especially I, have a lot to be thankful for - my best friend. my peapod. my sister... I could go on.

us in our dwarf forms. I am on the left, her the right.

I read something really sad on another blog, they said - "I wish I had a friend that I could tell everything to. Someone who wouldn't judge me, someone I could call a sister" and it makes me realise how lucky I am to have two of the most wonderful individuals on the planet to call a best friend, and Jess is one of them.

Whether it's eating ice cream out of a panda.

Or Christmas shopping in the snow.

Or dressing up.

Or not eating icecream out of a panda.

Or just being ourselves.

Or simply being lazy and sharing a box of cheerios with her cat. Or rocking out to Queen. Or frequently going to the cinema and having entire screens to ourselves. Or seeing show after show after ballet after show... We do it with enormous amounts of fun.

She's there for me wherever, whenever. She looks after me when I'm drunk, holds my hand when I need it, plays with my hair when I need calming, steers me away from drunken crazy men in bars, lends me her flat shoes, shouts at me for my obsession with coconuts, buys me random but cute presents, shares my diet coke obsession, has the best conversations about dance, shares neaaaarly my taste in guys....

She even stretches out my shoes for my slightly bigger than the other-foot.

That is a true friend.

Alongside a certain other girl and boy, Jess is one of the two people on this planet that I can lay my soul bare to, who I would take a bullet for, who I would go to the ends of the earth and back to help. She is my peapod and on this 14th October 2010, I wish you a very happy birthday darling.

I. Love. You.
(More than coconuts)

2010-10-11T20:18:00.000+01:00

You are love, you are light, and you are good enough just the way you are. - Sara Ramirez.

It really worries me that in the year 2010, not only do hovercrafts not exist, but homophobia still does.

Happy coming out day to all of my beautiful friends who are not afraid or restricted to be themselves. It baffles me that parts of today's society still let sexuality define who a person is. To me sexuality is no different to the colour of your eyes, your shoe size, your height... I could go on... I don't understand why there are still ridiculously narrow minded people in this world who think that they have a right to judge somebody because of it and even more so, victimise that person to the point where they take their own life. It makes me sick. Grow yourself some balls, man the hell up and open your mind to see that we are all the same. Love is love. Neither race, nor religion or gender should get in the way of that.

RIP all of those who have suffered or are suffering. You are human, you are a beautiful person, you are worth the world, do not let anybody tell you that you aren't. I admire you and think it is wonderful that you know exactly who you are and I guarantee you that so many other people do too - just because you may not be able to see it doesn't mean that it isn't there.

17.09

2010-09-17T23:07:00.001+01:00

it's become another one of those dates that stay with your forever - your birthdate, your anniversary... things like that.

But today is the day that I lost you. 3 years ago today, a part of me went away with you - when you died, a little hole was made in my heart and I don't think it will ever be filled.

I'd be lying if I said the pain got easier, when you've grown up with somebody so close to you, as an absolute constant in your everyday life, not having them around anymore is tough. You think eventually you'll get used to them not being there but you really don't.

It's been three years and I still find myself asking what you'd think about something, what your take on it would be, how you'd react, what you would say... It's crazy but it gets you through it all.

Grief is a really funny thing, it affects every single person in a completely different way. When I lost you I went crazy, I starved myself even more, I drank, I cried, I did everything in my power to forget. Yet now, 3 years on all I want to do is remember... Sometimes I get really scared, because I forget the sound of your voice, or how it felt when you said you were proud of me, or how it felt to have you fighting my corner even when nobody else was.

If I close my eyes I can see your face, but when I sleep all I dream about is that night. That night of the 16th September where after spending 12 hours at the hospital, we spent a further excruciating 12 hours watching and waiting as your body shut down, everything went against you, slowly and agonisingly you were taken away from us bit by bit. I wake up crying because it feels like I'm back on that intensive care unit, that we have doctors crying because you'd even managed to touch each and every one of them, the same way you did with every other individual you encountered. I don't want to ever go back to that night but my mind doesn't let me not.

If one thing, it taught me that life is too short, it taught me to love, it taught me that nothing and nobody can be taken for granted. It took me a while to realise that, we all deal with loss in our own ways and my way was incredibly unhealthy and self destructive. Now I'm on the other side of that though I see it, I see how special you were, and I see how every single person in my life is with me for a reason; they get me through these moments, they keep me strong, they keep me alive.

If we didn't feel, if we didn't love then there would be absolutely no reason to be alive. Because those are the best moments, the best feelings and the parts that stick with you forever. Though it's hard when they're gone, without those moments the void that you're left with would be even more unbearable.

I loved you, I love you, I will always love you. You will live on in my heart, my memory and everything I do, there will never be a part of you that doesn't exist in this world because I will never let it. I miss you so much it actually hurts but I have some amazing people helping me turn that hurt into happiness.

I wont forget a single day believe me.

inspiration.

2010-07-14T22:10:00.000+01:00

and just a note: if you're going to use any of my pictures/post them over the internet can you please credit me, I don't mind anybody using them - that's why they were taken but please remember to credit me :] love love.

serendipity.

2010-06-26T01:10:00.000+01:00

It's such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunate accident.

- Sara, Serendipity.

One of my favourite words and one of life's greatest things.

I'm a firm believer in fate and everything happening for a reason. It's really funny how things work out, I realised that it's been a whole year since my 'life catharsis' and that all came about by accident; something was accidentally misinterpreted and life pretty much took a completely different course from that moment onwards and for that I am so thankful.

A year ago today I got all of the bad out of my life and life got a lot better. I learnt things about myself I didn't even know and in this year I am worlds away from that person that I was.

I started to cry. Not in a dark and twisty way, but just because I suddenly became so overwhelmed from keeping everything in.

I cried because I was still grieving. because the person I needed the most was on the other side of the world. because I cared too much for somebody and had to let them go. because I felt so little of myself, I allowed individuals who were meant to love me make me feel like I was worthless and meaningless and about two feet tall.

I had a heart to heart with my Grandmother and it shocked me how seeing things from another person's perspective could change my way of thinking so drastically.

That woman is the biggest inspiration in the world. The way she picked herself up and carried on with life - going out and meeting new people, discovering new things, she is a warrior of life. The next morning she told me that you have to do that, because if you don't then you may aswell be dead yourself. If she stopped to think about what she lost, how different life can suddenly get, then she wouldn't want to carry on.

Those words will stay with me forever. That was it for me, everything changed.

I am so so grateful for where I am, who I am, who I've found along the way and how I got here. This night last year meant more to me than I can ever say, it was an awakening as such and it all happened because of a misunderstanding; it's funny how things work out and how things work out so well. Serendipity.

beauty out of context.

2010-05-19T20:06:00.000+01:00

THE SITUATION - In Washington , DC at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later, the violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping and continued to walk.

At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

After 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while.

About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour he finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made… How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

I love this, it reminds me to slow down in life.

apologies.

2010-05-11T21:00:00.000+01:00

Apologies for my lack of blogging recently. It's been a super busy few weeks for me.

I'm currently stuck with tonsilitis, laryngitis, inflamed vocal cords and swollen glands. Yup, every single thing that could be wrong with my throat, is wrong. I'm on a million and one meds and have been put on strict vocal rest, for at least 4 days. I'm on day two and so far, it's not going too well.

I was scheduled to have operation 2 of 4 today, but unfortunately because of the the above, it had to be cancelled. My airways are in no shape to have a tube shoved down them, and there is no way I could be put under anasthetic in this state.

There have been a lot of tears, but I'm looking at the positive side of it all. It was obviously just not meant to be. At the end of the day, surgeries can be rescheduled. I have to be grateful for what I've had so far, and what I have to come.

I'm so very fortunate to be in good health bar all of this, I'm so very fortunate to have one of the top surgeons in the UK as my surgeon, I'm so lucky to be able to have this all done privately - if not, I wouldn't even have had one operation yet, let alone have had a second one scheduled.

Today just obviously was not meant to happen, and that's ok, I just need to get better and hopefully in a couple of weeks time I'll be well enough to have surgery number two.

Everything happens for a reason, it's fine. It reminds me of that song -

que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.

I'll be back properly soon. Healing vibes are very much appreciated.
LOVE. :]

Dear Sara Bareilles,

2010-05-11T20:59:00.000+01:00

I adore you.

Lots of love,

Me. X

happiness is a journey.

2010-05-06T22:39:00.000+01:00

life spring cleaning.

2010-04-27T14:20:00.001+01:00

bad moods = non coherent blogs.

I would rather gauge my own eyeballs out than be in a bad mood. I hate negativity, I hate feeling negative and I hate how one little thing can be 100% worse, just because you're in a bad mood. My bad mood is the result of a cumulation of various different things. Tiredness. Illness. Fear. Anger. I'm tired, I'm too tired to sleep. I'm ill, but it wont develop fully into whatever it is so is just leaving me with swollen tonsils and sinuses. I'm scared because because I have a pretty huge surgery looming, and to think about it literally brings tears to my eyes. I'm angry because I'm letting such little insignificant things, situations and people get to me. The smallest of things become the biggest, the most blasé of comments become the ones that upset me most. I hate that I'm stuck in a bad mood, so tried to weave a little bit of my favourite thing - positivity - in there, and make the best out of a bad thing.

Sometimes it's nice to take a step back and look at everything from an outside perspective. I hate how some people think they have a right to treat others the way they do. I hate how reliant we all are on technology. I hate that people use people. I don't want to see that, I most definitely don't want to put myself in a position where I am around it, so I used my initiative and I decided to spring clean. my life. :]

I've started with little things, like my wardrobe and my twitter.

Next is my bad mood, I want to clear out all negative thoughts and get back to positive. I am lucky, I am loved, I have an amazing life, amazing friends and family, a great life, a privileged life. Focus. Focus on life. Focus on happiness. Focus on gratitude. Focus on love.

Take away everything and everyone that is bad for you. it's simple. and it's incredibly liberating. take a step back, press pause, and take a look what you can do to make it even better. it works. happiness is restored, there's still some fear but hey - some fear is good for you.

Positivity, you're a pretty awesome dude. I love you.

LOVE.

words of wisdom.

2010-04-25T23:00:00.000+01:00

Happiness is not something ready made, it comes from your own actions.

Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days: an old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend, or a meaningful day.

With realisation of one's own potential and self confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world.

- Dalai Lama.

All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

The mind is everything. What you think, you become.

- Buddha.

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.

- Plato.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

- Oscar Wilde.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love.

- William Shakespeare.

let the sun shine in.

2010-04-25T20:35:00.001+01:00

i believe in love.

2010-04-21T22:15:00.000+01:00

all you need is love. love. love is all you need.

'in love you have a choice. today i got the answer. and there's a world of truth behind it. love is out there waiting somewhere. you just have to go and find it. i believe in love. i believe in love. a love that's real. love that's strong. love that lives on and on. yes i believe in love.' - Dixie Chicks.

don't you believe in love?

LOVE. today i'm overwhelmed with gratitude for love. the people who love me. the people i love. the things i love. the people i have loved and lost. the little things that i randomly love to do, like not use capital letters when i don't feel like it, which is definitely in full swing today :]

life is short. love can last a lifetime. don't be afraid to love, we waste far too much time on hate. be different, i dare you.

joy.

2010-04-19T21:28:00.000+01:00

this woman was loving life and having the best time. she was an absolute joy to watch, so many of us had to go and hug her. when i'm older, i hope i'm just like this.

LOVE.

all these rooftops can block out the moon.

2010-04-19T19:47:00.000+01:00

hold on, let me take a snapshot with my mind, leave that as you're leaving me behind. hold on and let me close my eyes and capture how it's been...

back when murmured words could catch you unaware.

the sun there had some nerve to wake you. it should stick to the skies, don't worry, close your eyes and stay a while.

we're gonna take a deep breath of the air outside, we're gonna look up to the sky and i'll finally let my shoulders down.

just one more day, just stick it out; there's so much more in store.

can this feeling i have be persuaded to stay? my heart has returned to it's rhythm. my skin doesn't wait to be touched at all. could memory bring back the moment? i'll try to recall.

i never saw how the ride could end, but when you're in love guess you can't see the other side.

and it's a little bit scary to take the leap, but it's sure to be a killer view.

honest, this isn't just a ploy to stall - stay for one snapshot in my memory, that's all.

- Carner and Gregor.

burdens that allow us to fly.

2010-04-11T17:18:00.000+01:00

“You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering – that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, or maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks... You see two people and you think, 'they belong together' but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight. We feel that weight on our backs but they are a burden that lifts us... A burden that allows us to fly."

- Bones

Today...

2010-04-11T13:54:00.001+01:00

I can't stop listening to -

I love this woman, adore her voice and her music. Her covers are awesome too, her cover of 'Human' is basically the best thing ever.

Check her out, you'll love her.

LOVE. X

all the love I have is in my mind.

2010-04-06T17:55:00.000+01:00

"happiness, more or less - it's just a change in me, something in my liberty. Oh, my, my."

you know that feeling when you know that you made the right decision and it feels pretty darn spectacular?

THANK YOU for being out of my life. It's so much better now.

I love the person I am now, and I love the person I was before you. I hated the person I was because of you, and I am so glad that person is gone.

You know exactly who you are. There is no room for hate here. What a lovely day? I feel on top of the world, and some things just make you higher - the sunshine, DAISIES, reason 1000 why last year changed me for the best... I love it. Thank you so much.

How much do I love my life? Ahh.

LOVE X

I do it for love.

2010-04-05T01:25:00.001+01:00

love you're all I ever could need, only one good thing worth trying to be and it's love. I do it for love.

her music helped me through deaths, grief, anorexia and all the stuff that follows that so yeah, she's pretty awesome.

youtube favourites.

2010-03-30T00:10:00.000+01:00

I was looking through my old youtube favourites and came across this gem that my cousin's very talented boyfriend made of little Oona a few years ago.

Makes me laugh everytime.

sepia toned disney.

2010-03-25T21:24:00.001Z

I don't want realism, I want magic.

2010-03-25T21:07:00.000Z

I am 80% unicorn.

2010-03-20T21:38:00.000Z

I graze on peace and love, and rainbows shine out of my eyes.

Are YOU a unicorn?

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

2010-03-18T22:07:00.000Z

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud.
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide.
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart. i carry it in my heart.

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

2010-03-12T01:04:00.001Z

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?

If you fell down a rabbit hole, where would you end up?

I always used to be terrified by the concept of wonderland, what would you do if you landed in a world completely alien to you? Unable to distinguish your surroundings and desperate to find your way back home. Later, I realised that for me, wonderland was a beautiful metaphor for life.

There are so many moments when you find yourself in a completely unknown place - physically, emotionally, mentally - you can run, or you can stay. you can fight and you can grow.

So... Down that rabbit hole you fall, what's waiting for you at the bottom of it?

it's a little bit scary to take the leap, but it's sure to be a killer view.

2010-03-03T14:05:00.001Z

I rarely use the word 'fierce', but fierce is the only word to describe this -

eventually begin to fade.

2010-02-25T00:43:00.000Z

Iris: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you... And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be - you’ll go somewhere new, and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

- The Holiday

nienie dialogues

2010-02-17T23:58:00.001Z

I urge you to visit this page right here - http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

I accidentally stumbled across an article about Stephanie, Christian and their four children shortly after their accident. Both parents were in comas and these four children were being brought up by their aunts.

I found myself crying for a family thousands of miles away from me, who were strangers and I wanted to know how this story ended.

I searched out Stephanie's blog and read it from the start, right until the update about the crash. 2 years later I am still so incredibly inspired by Stephanie Nielson and her journey on the road to recovery.

Nothing I can say on here could do justice to this woman, so please, read for yourself in her own words.

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

It's a blog full of hope, of courage from an amazing woman who is incredibly beautiful on the inside and out.

recovery.

2010-02-17T23:48:00.000Z

No matter how big or small anything that requires 'recovery time' is, I'm pretty sure the process is the same.

Here I am, nearly 3 weeks after surgery and there is nothing I want more than to go outside and run around in the rain, I want to walk in the sunshine, even in the snow we had earlier. But I can't, and when you can't and you're healing it sure is tough.

One surgery down, 2 to go - the hardest one is the last one. I like to think of this as the preperation, but that scares me because this one is hard enough.

There are some moments when I can pick up my guitar and it's enough, but then there are others, like right now when nothing seems to be enough. Nothing is enough when you physically can't be doing what you want.

My surgeries may be severe to some, they may pale in comparrison to others. Regardless the magnitude of them, they are still pretty horrible.

I think about my recovery and I just can't wait to get fixed. There is an end to this, it may be a little longer than I expected, but the finishing line is there, and I cannot wait to reach it.

Peace, love, and lots of pain meds X

Hi.

2010-02-12T01:53:00.000Z

Could this be any more adorable? I think not.

people may even take your breath away.

2010-02-10T21:14:00.000Z

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be - white dress, Prince Charming who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill... You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming - they were so close you could taste them, but eventually - you grow up.

One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cos almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true..."

It's funny how everything works out.

"... At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away." - Greys Anatomy

2010-02-10T21:09:00.000Z

and it's easy to say 'I love you anyway', but I dont - I love you because.

music.

2010-02-06T23:13:00.001Z

One of my favourite things to do when I'm bored is to make random playlists on itunes. I love so many different types of music, it's fun sometimes to just take a load of random songs from different genres and mix them all into one big playlist.

Here's the one I've just made -

1. faded beauty queens - the thrills.
2. you've got me - she & him.
3. love story - taylor swift.
4. tik tok - ke$ha.
5. empire state of mind part II - alicia keys.
6. let 'er rip - dixie chicks.
7. setting up sunday - meg and dia.
8. chasing pavements - adele.
9. waterfall - the stone roses.
10. on the radio - regina spektor.
11. smile - ashley brown.
12. unlike me - kate havnevik.
13. so close - john mclaughlin.
14. shotgun - alice ripley.
15. my high - jonna lee.
16. what sarah said - deathcab for cutie.
17. the only one i know - the charlatans.
18. daydreamer - kacie sheik.
19. what katie did - the libertines.
20. pixie - ani difranco.
21. love song - sara bareilles.
22. love me like you - the magic numbers.
23. we're coming home - rogue traders.
24. bandstand in the sky - pete yorn.
25. run - lauren pritchard.
26. le onde - ludovico einaudi.
27. geek love - nerina pallot.
28. breathe in now - george.
29. two princes - spin doctors.
30. what you want - legally blonde the musical.
31. bad romance - lady gaga.
32. halo - beyonce.
33. independence day - carrie underwood.
34. ever fallen in love - nouvelle vague.
35. home - michael buble.
36. brain damage - pink floyd.
37. running up that hill - placebo.
38. make you feel my love - adele.
39. one - mary j blige and u2.
40. a light on a hill - margot & the nuclear so and so's.
41. put your records on - corinne bailey rae.

I highly recommend all of these songs. Love.

photographs

2010-02-06T21:17:00.000Z

“I loved the way a photo could capture a moment before it was gone."

Changing.

2010-02-06T18:03:00.000Z

"Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it's almost always right. Sometimes it takes what's broken becoming whole again, sometimes it takes opening up to new people and letting them in. But most times, it takes one person who is truly afraid to show what they feel getting an opportunity they never thought possible."

- Gossip Girl. XOXO

smiling's my favourite.

2010-02-05T00:04:00.000Z

We all say we would go to the ends of the earth for our family and friends, but it's through the bad times when friendships really get tested - when people go above and beyond to help somebody they care about. That for me is the most beautiful thing, in the world we live in today, there are still so many genuine people who do nothing but give and love 100%. I am blessed with people like this in my life and I am so grateful, but it makes me so happy to see that there are so many people all over the world who are also so loved, and so cherished.

Let the people you care about know just how much you love them, stand by them through it all, even if you don't know somebody and you can see they're unhappy - just give them a smile.

There are so many simple things we can all do for one another, whether they're a stranger, a friend, a colleague, a relative, or the person who serves you your coffee every morning, don't be afraid to make somebody else happy - it costs you nothing and to them, it could mean everything.

Peace and Love X

a lie that tells the truth.

2010-02-02T23:49:00.000Z

Penelope: You can make a pinhole camera out of anything hollow and dark.
Bloom: It's gotta warp the image though, right?
Penelope: Yeah. Yeah, it does. I mean, that's what's good about it. I mean, you could point this baby at the most menial, everyday little thing, like the fabric or your...your face or anything, and depending on how the camera eats the light, it's going to be warped and peculiar and imperfect and odd, and it's not going to be reproduction. It's storytelling.
Bloom: It's a lie that tells the truth.
Penelope: I don't know about truths, a photograph is a secret about a secret - the more it tells you, the less you know.

- The Brothers Bloom.

you are my sweetest downfall.

2010-01-25T19:30:00.000Z

i'm scared because there's only one of you...

"you can learn me."

"love? above all things I believe in love"

"I'm not afraid. When they ask me what I liked the best, I'll tell them, it was you."

"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"

"still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for."

"if I had but an hour of love, if that be all it's given me. An hour of love upon this earth, I would give my love to thee"

smile.

2010-01-24T22:49:00.000Z

it's the little things that mean the most. whether it's a text simply saying "you're beautiful." or a phonecall to see how I am, or the butterflies you get when you make plans. who needs grand jestures when you have those?

be grateful for the little things, they're the memories you keep with you. it's that feeling you remember more than anything.

the little things bring an enormous smile to my face. THEY bring an enormous smile on my face, I am SO lucky, and I know it, and I want them to know how lucky I am to have them.

you should always tell the people you love how special they are to you, make sure they know it.

Leddra Chapman.

2010-01-11T20:54:00.000Z

Ok guys, I need to spread the word about this girl, she is absolutely incredible.

I heard her song 'Story' on the radio in late November and fell in love, I downloaded her album a couple of weeks ago and have not stopped listening to it.

She has a stunning voice, absolutely beautiful and her music is exquisite. She is going to be huge, here is the song that made me fall in love with her music -

'Marisa Jones you watch the black suits walking past
Your life was empty for a while
Michael Porter has a new girl in his arms
She has a cherry flavoured smile
You watch as he greets her
His arms around her shoulder

Hell try to believe that its you
When he kissed you
Those delicate shoes
Used to walk you straight to the moon
Now he wonders why he never stayed.

Michael Porter you flew in from Timbuktu
You missed her red hair and her style
Marisa Jones now she's living all on her own
She loves the freedom of the wild
He pleads: Give me something!
She needs nothing from him

And she'll try to believe that its fate
And she'll miss you
But its far too late now
She's done through
Finished with crying for anyone
And now she wonders why she ever stayed.

Do you stop to think it all through?
When you run to
The love that you needed
To pull through
It ended too soon
And you tried too hard now its over between you
Nothing compares to the love you shared
But its all just a story now
And I hope your both happy now
As it all turned out: you never stayed.'

PEACE & LOVE X

2010-01-03T00:01:00.000Z

how amazing is she?
17 years old and that talented, ridiculous.

musings.

2009-12-09T21:32:00.000Z

just stumbled across this, beautiful.

happy december.

2009-12-01T15:19:00.002Z

my favourite month ever. minus the temperature.

here's my favourite guy to celebrate 25 days til christmas :]

world aids day.

2009-12-01T15:09:00.001Z

I hope everybody is wearing their ribbons.

gratitude.

2009-11-26T19:46:00.003Z

today is a day to be thankful for all those wonderful things in our lives.

i am thankful for everything -

i'm thankful for being alive.

i'm thankful for the overwhelming capacity for love i have been blessed with.

i'm thankful for my beautiful family.

i'm thankful for my incredible friends.

i'm thankful for the ukulele.

i'm thankful for the moments we make - the beautiful memories that are created from the simplest of things.

i'm thankful for the boy who gives me butterflies.

i'm thankful for my amazing support network.

i'm thankful for my pets.

i'm thankful for the amazing oppertunities i have been given.

i'm thankful for my work and the beautiful people i get to share it with.

i'm thankful for music.

i'm thankful for live theatre.

i'm thankful for john lennon.

i'm thankful for all of my ugg boots.

i'm thankful for my favourite hat.

i'm thankful for my jewellery.

i'm thankful for tiffany box blue nail polish.

i'm thankful for new york city.

i'm thankful for the island of oahu and every single memory i have of that island.

i'm thankful that my parents have been able to take me to so many amazing places around the world.

i'm thankful that my granny's operation went well earlier this week.

i'm thankful that i was blessed with the most incredible man as my grandfather, and i'm thankful that he chose our family out of choice, not out of blood - and i am incredibly thankful for all of those wonderful memories i have of him, and i am so thankful i had him in my life, for everything that he has taught me and for the part of him that i will carry around with me for the rest of my life.

i'm thankful for vogue magazine.

i'm thankful for tv shows I love and actors on screen and on stage who inspire and move me.

i'm thankful for a smile.

i'm thankful for every performer who has moved me with a performance.

i'm thankful for the colour pink.

i'm thankful for having such an educated, loving and cultured family who share my interests.

i'm thankful for holding hands.

i'm thankful for hugs.

i'm thankful for kisses.

i'm thankful for the moon.

i'm thankful that all of the bad people are out of my life, even if i once considered them friends - i'm thankful for what they taught me, and i'm thankful that i pity them and that my life is so incredible without them.

i'm thankful for my iphone.

i'm thankful for everything that this year has brought me.

i'm thankful for diet coke.

i'm thankful that there are things i'm good at.

i'm thankful for cocktails.

i'm thankful for my education.

i'm thankful for my freckles.

i'm thankful for my SLR camera.

i'm thankful for peroxide, and hair dye.

i'm thankful for rebecca rowe and jessica kane.

i'm thankful for freddie mercury.

i'm thankful for the piano.

i'm thankful for the guitar.

i'm thankful for the 60's.

i'm thankful for fashion.

i'm thankful for art.

i'm thankful for photography.

i'm thankful for my scrabble ring.

i'm thankful for the sunshine.

i'm thankful that the world is coming around to the idea of equality.

i'm thankful for ballet.

i'm thankful for hair, and the beautiful tribe that are coming to england.

i'm thankful for those who know me aswell as i know myself.

i'm thankful for those who bring me coffee when i don't have time to get it myself.

i'm thankful for edith piaf.

i'm thankful for coco chanel.

i'm thankful for a million movies, a million records, and a million musicians and artists.

i'm thankful for him.

i'm thankful for every breath i take.

i'm thankful for everything in my life.

and that's only a bit of what i am thankful for, most of all i'm thankful for LOVE.

and i will continue to be thankful for everything in my life, everything that comes into my life - and everything that will continue to help me grow, learn, laugh, love and live.

LOVE. X

ps, i love you.

2009-11-21T23:33:00.000Z

"today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day"

today. . .

2009-11-18T20:51:00.001Z

i feel so loved, i have been walking around with the goofiest smile on my face.

tell someone you love them today, give them a hug - it will make their day, we need each other. love love loveee. :]

music post #2

2009-11-18T20:29:00.001Z

... Goes to Nerina Pallot.

One of the most ridiculously underrated artists on the planet.

Her music is amazing, I've seen her live a few times and she's pretty awesome.

Amazing voice, amazing lyrics, amazing music. That's all you need to know.

My favourite songs?

Geek Love, Sophia, Learning To Breathe and All Good People.

I LOVE her.

"so don't presume to know shit about me,
cos I don't know myself from one day to the next,
and I don't pose perplexities purposely,
this isn't a game, this isn't a test."

"if love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
if hope is a song, I guess it's all over,
how to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die
if God's on our side, then God is a joker
asleep on the job, his children fall over
running out through the door and straight to the sky
I don't want to die"

"maybe love is just a requiem for the soul?"

listen to her, you'll life will be that little bit better.

2009-11-17T20:42:00.000Z

"It's a miracle that all of us who are wired so differently can understand each other, and even love each other."

- Yoko Ono.

HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR

2009-11-14T22:59:00.000Z

So this week, the best announcement ever came in the form of this -

http://hairthemusical.co.uk/

"The Entire Original Tony Award Winning Cast Direct From Broadway"

ENTIRE CAST.

Best news ever right?

LOVE.

Bring on 1st April.

PEACE&LOVE XX

imagine.

2009-11-11T20:34:00.000Z

some people i really care about are going through a really tough time right now. there is literally nothing anybody can do - it's hard, it's really hard.

sometimes,the hardest thing is being able to draw hope from a really bad situation. when you're pretty much at the bottom, how the hell do you get back up?

but somehow you do.

there are people all over the world suffering, and behind every person, there's a family - there are people who love them and are sharing in their suffering.

i've been there, i've had one of the most important people in my life taken away. i've been at the bottom, i've cried until i made myself sick, until i couldn't cry anymore - but here i am, two years on and i'm smiling, i'm happy and i'm thankful for everything in my life. it's ok to be sad for the people you have lost, but be thankful that you were lucky enough to have them. there are times when you miss them so much you can't even breathe, but think how incredibly blessed you were to have them in your life - it's ok to miss them, it's ok to be sad, but just remember their smile, their laugh, their life and smile. smile that they were in your life, smile that they happened.

yes bad things happen, absolutely terrible things happen, but they also end.

there is so much love out there - use it, it can get you through anything.

i love my life

2009-11-11T19:18:00.001Z

because i have people like this in it. :]

what i've learned today.

2009-11-08T15:05:00.000Z

do something nice for somebody special to you, even if you don't feel like it. their smile is worth the world :] LOVE!

theatre post #1

2009-11-07T02:02:00.000Z

My first theatre post goes to a musical that is very close to my heart, a show which won Best Revival of a Musical at this year's Tony awards - and that show is Hair.

Hair is literally one of the most amazing shows you will ever see. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it has the most phenomenal cast, it has amazing audience interaction, and you get to dance on stage at the end. What more could you want?

The current tribe are the most talented, beautiful and passionate cast I have ever come across. Not only is each and every single character so well played, but as a group they have the most amazing chemistry.

See it, if you don't - you are really missing out and I feel really sorry for you.

Light.

2009-11-05T21:05:00.000Z

We need some light.
First of all, we need some light.
You can't sit here in the dark, and all alone, it's a sorry sight.
It's just you and me, we'll live, you'll see.

Night after night, we'd sit and wait for the morning light.
But we've waited far too long, for all that's wrong to be made right.

Day after day, wishing all our cares away.
Trying to fight the things we feel, but some hurts never heal.
Some ghost are never gone, but we go on.
We still go on.

And you find some way to survive.
And you find out you don't have to be happy at all, to be happier alive.

Day after day, give me clouds, and rain and grey, give me pain if that's what's real.
It's the price we pay to feel.

The price of love is loss, but still we pay.
We love anyway.

And when the night has finally gone, and when we see the new day dawn.
We'll wonder how we wondered for so long, so blind.
The wasted world we thought we knew, the light will make it look brand new.

So let it shine, shine, shine.

Day after day, we'll find the will to find our way.
Knowing that the darkest skies will someday see the sun.

When our long night is done, there will be light.
There will be light.

When we open up our light.
Sons and daughters, husbands, wives.
Can fight that fight.

There will be light.

- Next To Normal.

Sometimes, life is tough.

moments.

2009-11-04T22:11:00.001Z

There are approximately 216,000 babies born every day into this world.

Each one of those babies has their own story, and will go onto create a bigger story and make a difference to this world.

Life, isn't it a beautiful thing? It brings us special little people like this into our lives, and allows us to experience beautiful moments, just like this one.

LOVE LIFE. It's the only one you're gonna have. Enjoy it - love, laugh, live.

Paranormal Activity

2009-11-04T22:09:00.000Z

This movie looks amazing. I love scary movies, especially psychologial stuff - this sort of movie is what really scares me. I cannot wait to see it!

Minute for Madeleine

2009-11-04T21:46:00.001Z

Please, anybody who reads this, pass this link on - http://ceop.police.uk/madeleine/madeleine.asp

There is no doubt in my mind that this little girl is still out there, somewhere. She may be a contented, happy little girl and those around her might have no idea that she is the beautiful 4 year old girl who went missing in 2007. That is why we have to pass this video on, there is hope out there.

So please, pass this on, wherever in the world you are, Madeleine's face needs to be out there, this video may help find her.

Thanks for reading this post.

music post #1.

2009-11-02T21:54:00.001Z

Imogen Heap.

I first heard Imogen's music when I was around 15 and instantly fell in love.

I've only seen her live once and that was back in 2005. Her music is just unbelievable, I adore her.

I urge everybody to listen to her, especially the following songs (they're my favourites) -

Speeding Cars
Goodnight & Go
Missing You
Just For Now
Sweet Religion
Leave Me To Love
Candlelight
Daylight Robery

There are so many more.

I'm going to do posts about my favourite musicians/performers/people I think deserve some love, so keep watching to see who's next...!

2009-11-02T21:41:00.000Z

I miss that city. It's so good for me.

press pause.

2009-11-02T21:35:00.000Z

I am in love with this song, it's absolutely beautiful. Sung by the amazing Jackie Burns!

I get by with a little help from my friends.

2009-10-31T16:50:00.000Z

So today I read somebody who was in no position to criticize, criticize one of my friends, and within an instant my mood had gone from calm to angry, all within about 0.0002 seconds.

There are days when I am completely overwhelmed by love. Whether it's love from my friends, my family, or people I don't really know that well... Being loved is the greatest gift in the world, and the best feeling you will ever experience.

There are so many different types of love - among many other things, one of my greatest loves is for the people I call my friends. Those who love me no matter what, those who stand by me on the good days and the bad, those who know exactly what I need, those who have no obligation to be there but do because they love you.

Every single day I see these people that I am lucky enough to call my friends and not only am I so incredibly thankful that I have such beautiful, strong, courageous individuals in my life, but I am also completely inspired.

The people in my life that have my love deserve every single bit of it, and so much more. The people I call my friends continue to surprise me with every little thing they do. . .

How they cope with having so many obstacles life throws at them, and more importantly, how they get through it.

The human spirit is a beautiful thing, I have seen so many people lose themselves in their own spitefulness, in an internal battle with themselves over the most ridiulous of things. I myself have lost people I once called friends, something which you could argue is inevetable with futile, superficial friendships - but they teach you so much, if not anything but to cherish the people in your life even more and make you appreciate the people that are true. In your heart you know the ones who are in it for the long haul, not everybody can be, and that isn't neccessarily a bad thing. But when something is real, you can feel it.

There is nothing more beautiful than talent, inspiration, ambition, enthusiasm, genuine affection and most of all love.

I see these qualities in every single friend of mine. How lucky am I?

2009-10-30T23:25:00.000Z

and so she succumbed.

2009-10-28T21:43:00.001Z

So, I've been reading various people's blogs for a while now and have decided to try out my own. Hey, why not? It might be interesting to have strangers around the world accidentally stumble across my life.

I'm going to keep this one short but sweet as I am off on another journey, it's not been a week since I've been back in the UK, this is only the 4th night back in my own bed (which always feels 1,000 times better when you've been away) and already I'm flocking to Bristol. Ok, it's only an hour and a half on the train, and OK, it's only a night - but hey, now I'm home and getting back into what some may call a routine, some may call a slightly organised dishevelled-but ohso hot - mess (not that I myself would be one of them) it's time to get back into what I call a routine and go visit my friends.

The journey to Bristol is monotonous to say the least - field after field and an endless battle with my iphone to hold onto the tiniest bar of signal, oh joy. But what is waiting for me at the other end is worth it.

So, whether you have mistakenly come to this address, or if you are my friend and I've given this link to you, I'm going to leave you all with one of the most beautiful versions of one of my favourite Bob Dylan/Adele (she is amazing, check her out, I love her) songs - 'Make You Feel My Love' - sung by the gorgeous Cassie Levy who is currently playing Sheila in Hair.